Catch us all summer long on the 2011 Rockstar Mayhem Festival

You Can’t Park Your Car Here!

So the next day was kind of a lazy one, it’s Dano’s birthday tonight at midnight so lets get some beers and party! Everyone crawled out of the mobile hotel and we just kind of sat around and didn’t do much for the next few hours. I got all caught up on blogs and some of the videos, then we just kind of soaked in what happened the day before, the response on Sunset Blvd was incredible, we played The Roxy last night without having to sell any tickets, from the sidewalk, pretty epic.

I think the first beer of the day was cracked around 7:30PM, we went through an 18 pack in a little under 2 hours, then walked across the street to get more! Dano got drunk enough to light his balls on fire again with ever clear, or I should say Dano got drunk enough to dump ever clear on his balls and Shane lit them on fire. Sometime around 11PM Chris the woman stealer and his friend showed up, they were trying to get us to drive down to the bar and rage a mobile stage show…but no one was sober.

If you have ever played Grand Theft Auto, that is what driving the mobile stage around is like. You start off with 2 stars automatically because you are driving around in a shady looking vehicle, then once you open the door to play a show you have 3 stars, and by the time the show or song is finished and we drive away we are up to 5 stars! So even though knock on wood we have had great success in evading police intervention, I could only imagine what would happen getting a DUII in a mobile stage. I know I barely have insurance on it as it is, and if I or anyone behind the wheel got a DUII on my insurance, life would end for me, and I would probably put a bullet in my head. So after a couple hours of Shane trying to find a sober driver in Castaic at 11PM(which is impossible) , and me convincing everyone that it is just not worth it, the only thing left to do was to light Dano’s balls on fire again!

Everyone still wanted to go to the bar for some reason, even though the fridge was full of fucking beer. I had reached the end of my rope, 5 hours is good for me drinking beer, usually I pass out a lot sooner. I got a little shit for staying home, but I was fucking tired, and apparently so was Shane because after he got to the bar, he passed out…at the bar.

I woke up the next morning to a knock at the back door of the mobile stage. It was Shane asking me if I had seen his keys? Seeing as I passed out before anyone, I don’t know where anything is, I asked him if he was passed out face down on his office floor this morning, he said he passed out in his room, and that must have been Chris the Woman Stealer. Then Dano comes out of the house wondering where his cell phone and charger are. This scene is somewhat reminiscent of the movie “The Hangover”, only it didn’t last as long. Dano found his phone and charger in his bunk, and I am not sure where Shane found his keys, but they were probably in his pocket.

We were going to go play the Anaheim Supercross in the parking lot today but opted out because it would have been a 170 mile round trip, and after talking to Shane, the parking lot is kind of on lock down and they charge for parking so fuck going down there, well just go rage Slayer for Slayer at The Music Box. Also one of our friend Shane’s good friends passed away today, so he wasn’t going to the Supercross either.

Shane said his friend Damon was coming over, and Dano can always tell when people need cheered up, he is like Santa Clause for feelings. Shane walks in the door with kind of a down look on his face and Dano says “….would it make you feel better if I lit my balls on fire?” Shane says, yes! As soon as Damon gets here.

So this is the first time Dano is lighting his balls on fire sober. And words can not even explain the amount of worry in his eyes. I can tell he needs some more liquid courage to pull this off, pounding 2 or 3 Coors Lights is just not going to cut it, so I run out to the van and grab the last couple shots of Evan Williams whiskey so Dano can pour himself a strong drink. 30 minutes later Dano is dumping ever clear on his balls and Shane lights them on fire. Look I am sorry if all this balls lighting on fire is offending people, but these are uncensored stories from the road, how could I leave this shit out?

Dano put a smile on Damon and Shane’s face, then Damon took off and everyone started pounding beers. Our friend Jessica who was teching for Kerry King let us know the red carpet starts at 6:30 and doors are around the same time. Shane was still kind of bummed out so we thought a good way to cheer him up would be to come on today’s music adventure with us! It took a little bit of convincing, seeing as Shane has told us for the last 5 days that he is not drinking tonight, we are such a good influence!

This is only after Shane had walked in with 2 30 packs of Coors Light. So we set up the chairs in the back, fired up the generator, and gave Shane a first hand experience of what mobile stage driveby shows are all about. It was about a half hour drive down to Hollywood, we are really located in a perfect spot to attack Hollywood on a regular basis. We were going to have Bekka drive and do a drive by show, but Jessica let us know there is a loading zone out front so I make the executive decision to not do a drive by show and just park up front. By the time the door was opening and we were playing the intro riff to Reign In Blood there were 3 or 4 security guards waving their hands at us and saying “YOU CANT PARK YOUR CAR HERE, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, YOU CANT PARK HERE, YOU CAN’T PARK YOUR CAR HERE!” Anyone seen “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”?

When I got up to the front a couple guards came up and said it was totally awesome what we were doing, but we have Rockstar stickers all over our vehicle, and this is a Monster event. Not only is this total fucking bullshit, because we are parked on the street, it inspired us to do the next thing we did, which was light Dano’s balls on fire…..haha no we did not do that. We decided to do a driveby show with Bekka behind the wheel, because we also heard through Jessica that Dave Lombardo said to keep playing.

We still do the one thing that has gotten us this far in mobile stage shows though, and that is if people from the venue or police say to stop, we stop, it is just the respectable thing we do. We are out here to have LAPD and every venue in this area on our side, so we respect what they say, maybe it’s not the most punk rock thing to do, but we have 3 more weeks down here, and we want to be able to do this again.

Around the block we go, time to play Slayer for Slayer, in the name of ROCKSTAR ENERGY DRINK! The door opens and Bekka drives us down the block, every single person standing outside was FUCKING STOKED! We were able to squeeze out all of Reign in Blood, and I still haven’t watched the video to see what the looks on the guards faces were like, but I am sure it was priceless. Bekka parked us then went out to hand fliers to everyone, it is so awesome having people helping you that are truly wanting to help you, not just along for the ride, she is always busting out the camera at the right time and this is by far the BEST video coverage we have ever had of The Music Adventure.

We hung out on the side of the street for about a half hour, put on our full Rockstar Energy Drink attire, and walked right in the back door of the venue. It was pretty funny seeing the obvious Monster Energy Drink representatives giving us the stink eye like we just pissed on their parade. And I don’t mind pissing on their parade, because telling us we can’t play because we have 3 Rockstar stickers on our truck is fucking BULLSHIT! I know if it were a Rockstar event and we pulled up with 3 Monster stickers on the side, as long as we were partying our balls off, everything would be cool. Its like they are pissed because they know their energy drink is expensive and fucking sucks, I mean what other reason would you stop a gorilla band playing a gorilla show for?

Shane was getting tired and needed food so we bounced out of the drum off. I really wouldn’t have minded watching the rest of it, but the van was parked half way in a red zone and I really get nervous about that thing disappearing, even though it is equipped with Lo Jack and all sorts of shit to find it, honestly if someone stole it, no matter who it was, by 8 in the morning the next day I would have their balls lit on fire with everclear, and no water in sight!

Dano and Bekka came out when the show was over, and we waited to get a hold of Jessica for the after party. She came out pounded a beer smoked a bowl and led us up to the after party in the attic. EVERYONE was at this party, and when I say everyone, I mean everyone, Phil Collins was here. I was meeting all sorts of band members from bands I fucking love, I’m not going to start listing off everyone we were talking to and sound like some sort of starstruck tourist, but the one that stood out is Dave Lombardo, the drummer of Slayer.

He told us to NEVER STOP PLAYING UNTIL THEY TAKE THE STICKS OUT OF YOUR HAND. I’ll tell you what, I can write all day about all this respect stuff to venues and police, but when Dave Lombardo is telling you this, you just kind of agree. Just like at 2:30 in the morning in North Carolina when you are drunk with Jason Bittner and he wants to play your mobile stage drum kit even after you have been shut down for noise, you just do it, until you get in trouble again.

Everyone at the party said they were going to the rainbow in a little while, so you can guess what we decided to do. 11 minutes West down Sunset blvd, switch with Bekka and hop in the back right up the road from The Whisky. We played a drive by show down Sunset Strip in front of The Whisky, then stopped in between The Roxy and The Rainbow and raged it for about a minute, EVERYONE came out of the bar and started filling up the driveway, with Dave Lombardo front and center, then drove up to the Key Club, finished the song, closed the door, and parked. Keep in mind the whole time we just did this Shane is passed out in my bed, with one of the speakers right next to his head.

One of the security guards from The Key Club came up to us and asked us why we have never played there. We told him were always down to play there, but we have to sell 50 tickets, and we live in Oregon. He was really stoked on what we were doing and gave all our info to the manager, which had absolutely no problem with what we were doing. At this point we now have The Roxy, The Rainbow, and The Key Club on our side, and I am sure The Whisky as well but we have not stopped in front of there yet, only drove by.

Ran into a lot of people in the block between The Key Club and The Rainbow that were really stoked on what we were doing, which warms our hearts every time someone shakes our hands and tells us what we are doing is fucking amazing. Again we are still just a couple stoners that smoked weed and decided to do the impossible, we are living a dream right now that we created by just doing the only thing we know how to do, rage our fucking balls off! And light them on fire.

Walked up to The Rainbow thinking of how we were going to avoid paying the $10 cover to get in, then it hit us. “Hey whatsup we just played in the mobile stage out front, are we able to get in?” Fuck yes! Come on in. We were only there for about a half hour, said whatsup and goodbye to everyone, smoked some weed, and headed back to Shane’s house.

“Shane wake up were home! Time to light your balls on fire.” Dano says. “I’m not lighting my balls on fire…..I’m not lighting my balls on fire!!!! I’m going to sleep”. As he walks to his room. I was out about another 30 minutes later after eating some Boyardee chili macaroni and 2 hash bowls I finished on my own. By now it was about 3 in the morning, the day was stressful as all hell, and all in all it was Dano’s best birthday ever!

Now it is the next day, were going to hang out here and drink some beer, our speaker comes in tomorrow in Pasadena, then the mobile stage will be at 100% volume, right now it is only at 75%, next stop….who knows? As Dano and I were sitting on the back porch smoking a bowl these two hawks started fighting in the tree above us, they fell to the ground in the neighbors yard, then one of them flew away, and we don’t know where the other one went. Could this be some sort of sign that can only be found if we eat a bunch of peyote and fry for days in the hills of Northern Los Angeles County? Dano thinks they were fighting because they heard he was going to light his balls on fire but he hasn’t yet today, conspiracy…..I think not.


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